Coping with multiples

While you might have been prepared for the possibility of your babies needing time in the SCU or NICU, the reality of being discharged from hospital without your babies, or without some of your babies, can be a shock.

Some parents of multiples describe initially finding it easier to bond with one or more of their babies. This may be due to having different temperaments, or one baby requiring more time in hospital. 

Try not to worry – all relationships take time to develop. Just remember that every time you change, bathe, feed and respond to your babies’ cries you are helping them feel loved, safe, and secure. Eye contact, singing and reading are also ways you can bond with your babies over the coming weeks and months.

"I struggled to connect with one of my babies. Not having wanted multiples from the start I was overwhelmed with two."

Breastfeeding multiple babies can be stressful and exhausting. Establishing a feeding routine can take time. 

"Struggling so much with feeding also felt like failing."

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself and remember it’s OK to bottle feed if you need to. Lactation consultants are also available to support and assist you with breastfeeding. 

You can also call the Australian Breastfeeding Association Helpline or access their resources for parents of multiples.

Leaving the house with more than one baby can be overwhelming. This can compound the loneliness and feelings of isolation common in early motherhood. Connecting with other parents who’ve experienced the same challenges can help. The Australian Multiple Birth Association has clubs around the country where you can connect with other families of multiples both in person and virtually.

"I had anxieties about leaving the house alone with the twins, so I didn’t go out much and made me feel lonely and isolated."

While many couples struggle with the adjustment to parenthood, the stress of having multiple babies can take an even greater toll on a relationship. Common struggles like lack of sexual intimacy, limited or no time together, and resentment around managing the mental load can be exacerbated. Many mothers/primary caregivers also describe feeling jealousy or resentment towards their partner when they return to work.

With the additional demands, it’s important to keep communicating instead of letting feelings bottle up.

Try to treat one another with kindness (sleep-deprivation can make this hard at times!) and be clear about what you need – your partner isn’t a mind reader. What's in your head is not (often) obvious to those around you.

"We argue a lot more, we’re both so tired and so stressed. We don’t get any time alone anymore and it’s just so hard. I hate the way I look so I don’t like him seeing me anymore."

For some couples, however, there was a sense that working as a team brought them closer together.

"We only had each other, so we relied on each other in ways we never have before. It continues to this day. We are more in sync than ever before, and we are an incredible team."