Strategies for coping with a newborn

Strategies to help you cope with a newborn baby

Coping with different routines and what is often a very steep learning curve can take a lot of energy. And sometimes, it's energy you simply don’t feel you have.

I wasn't emotionally prepared to be pregnant or to be having a baby, and neither was my husband. We muddled along doing all the “right” things but we were confused and lost and it wasn't a joyous time. 

Your newborn baby may or may not be the bub that you expected or imagined. For example, some babies will be very settled, while others may cry a lot – requiring great patience and commitment. This is particularly the case if your baby has health problems like colic or reflux that can cause them to be more unsettled.

New parenthood is a time when life can feel overwhelming

You may have moments in early parenthood when things feel completely out of control. It’s also very normal, particularly for first time parents, to experience fleeting doubts in your ability. Try to be kind to yourself - you're constantly learning and adapting in these first weeks. 

Coping with your newborn baby

Most parents find the first six to eight weeks the hardest with a newborn baby. And while people may not openly discuss many of the challenges in these early weeks of parenthood (if at all), there are a number of common hurdles you may face.

The greatest challenges commonly experienced by parents in their first weeks include:

• Recovering from birth. This is particularly challenging if birth has been traumatic or your were highly dissatisfied with the quality of care you received.
• Breastfeeding and bottle feeding. ⁠Feeding your baby may come easily to you. It may, however, be frustrating and challenging, and different to what you expected or hoped for.
• Lack of sleep. Sleep-deprivation can greatly affect your mood, energy, patience and ability to think clearly.
• Feeling highly emotional. This can be compounded by lack of sleep and having the sense that things are out of control.
• Coping with an unsettled baby. ⁠Babies all come with unique temperaments which can place additional demands on your patience and impact your feelings towards your baby.
• Bonding with your baby. Not all parents feel "love at first sight." ⁠For many reasons, it may take longer than you expected to develop a connection with your baby.
• Body image. Pregnancy and birth can often change how you physically look and feel. This in turn can impact self-esteem and body image.
• Managing priorities. ⁠Finding time for everything while also meeting the needs of your baby, might mean juggling your priorities, at least in the short-term.
• Managing advice from others. ⁠Endless newborn and parenting advice can leave you questioning yourself and your capabilities. Trust yourself as the expert on your baby.
• Relationship dynamics with your partner. ⁠Your relationship with your partner will also change as you adjust to life with your new arrival.
• Relationship dynamics with your family. ⁠Not only are your expectations of parenthood likely to be adjusting, but so too are those of your family and friends. As part of this transition, you will all begin to see where and how everyone fits into the new picture.

Seeking practical and/or emotional support early can help with adjusting to parenthood

The above are some of the common challenges faced by many mothers and fathers when adjusting to parenthood.

Often, however, new parents don’t seek practical and/or emotional help early, and their impact can build up over time. This can place you, your partner and your baby under even greater stress.

You don't have to cope alone. Support is available to help you on your transition to parenthood.

Coping with a messy house

Leaving the washing to pile up and being told not to stress about a toy-strewn living room is advice often given to new parents.  But for many exhausted mums and dads, a messy house can be anxiety-provoking and make it difficult to enjoy your baby and other children.

Mums are told not to worry about mess, but it’s easier said than done. My brain just doesn’t relax in a messy house. If my environment is tidy my mental state feels clear too

This is often compounded by the fact that a new baby coincides with visits from family and friends and having more people through the house than usual.

More strategies to help you adjust to parenthood

If being told, “Don’t worry about the mess!” isn’t working, you’re not alone! Here are some other strategies that may help with adjusting to parenthood. 

• Ask for help when visitors come over, even if it’s just getting them to pop on a load of washing.
• Have friends or family pay for a cleaner – even just once. This can make for a great baby shower gift. Don’t be afraid to suggest it when people ask what you need.
• Set aside 15 minutes at the end of the day to do a pick-up of toys/clutter. It will make you feel better in the morning!
• Break things down into smaller tasks. Don’t try to tackle everything at once. Instead, try to break things down, like tidying just one area at a time. You won’t get through it all but that’s okay. Take one step at a time.
• Be mindful that what you see on social media doesn’t always reflect reality. It’s easy to remove clutter from the frame, to choose a place that’s tidy to snap a photo and to present the image that everything’s under control. But remember, most mums are struggling to keep things clean and tidy. Just like you.
• Try to be kind to yourself. A messy house doesn’t mean you’re a bad mum, or that you’re failing at motherhood. You're likely to be directing your attention to where it matters most – the needs of your newborn baby.