Feelings of shame and stigma

What may cause new or expectant parents to experience shame or stigma

It is common to hold high expectations about what pregnancy and having a baby might be like.  After all, if it is your first baby, there is no reference point – other than what you might hear from others, or the advertising you see around you – showing beautiful images of parents and their babies. 

When our reality of pregnancy or becoming a parent does not meet our expectations, it is easy to feel like you are failing. 

New parents often try to hide from others that they may be struggling to cope, due to feelings of failure, shame, or for fear of judgement from others.

Stigma and mental health

Feelings of shame and what we call stigma, also applies to mental health.  Here people are often afraid to tell others that they may be experiencing a mental health condition, for fear of what other may think of them as a person, or that they may be judged as being a bad mother, father or a failure. 

Stigma prevents help-seeking 

We know that stigma prevents people from seeking the help they need early.  In fact, COPE research has revealed that 74 per cent of women experiencing anxiety or depression in pregnancy or after birth, did not seek help until they reached crisis point.

Stigma and motherhood

Stigma around perinatal mental health issues may be different to stigma relating to other mental health issues because of the way it is linked to maternal identity or being a mother. As well as being concerned about facing stigma from friends, family and health professionals, women may also experience internal stigma, considering themselves a “failure” or “bad mother” for not meeting their own expectations about motherhood.

Stigma faced by fathers and partners

Fathers and partners in particular may avoid speaking out about their experiences or seeking help early, as they feel that they need to stay strong to support their partner, and “hold it all together.” This only places greater pressure on dads and partners and delays them accessing the support they may need. 

Additionally, many in the community may not be aware that mental health issues can impact fathers and partners or may not believe they can be affected. This can make speaking up even more challenging.

Coping with stigma

• Remember, you can be a good parent and have a mental illness. Don’t let stigma stop you from receiving the treatment you need and deserve.
• 1 in 5 people are affected by perinatal mental health issues — these issues are common, and you are not alone. There’s a good chance you will know someone else who has experienced a perinatal mental health condition, or supported a friend or family member through something similar.
• Try not to isolate yourself. If you’re experiencing a mental illness, shame and guilt can result in wanting to hide away from your supports. This can compound how you’re feeling. Reach out to those you trust or find a support group for others going through a similar journey.
• If you feel able to, share your story. Sharing your own challenges and experiences during pregnancy or after having a baby can help others feel safer and more empowered to seek help. It also helps to educate those in the community who may not be aware of just how difficult parenthood can be or the facts around mental illness during this life-stage.